Let Her Speak
Let Her Speak is a visceral response to the backwards world we live in where we regard abusers as innocent until proven guilty (benefit of the doubt consistently & generously provided), while we treat the victims of their abuse as the suspects, systematically discrediting & silencing survivors of sexual & domestic violence, both literally & metaphorically. The legal system, whether intentionally or subconsciously, is regularly used against women to overwhelm & wear them down; weaken & destroy their resolve; frustrate them with so much red tape that eventually they give up on the pursuit of justice just so that they can have their own lives back, end the torturous ordeal that feels like it will never expire.
Despite the fact that many survivors never even try to pursue legal action due to its inherently overwhelming nature, they don’t make it any easier for the brave few who do. What they don’t tell you when you go to the police station is that when you pursue an order of protection (aka a ‘restraining order’), frequently the person you are seeking protection from will also submit a cross petition, & because both sides are “fearing for their safety,” concurrent orders are issued (which ultimately serves as a means of further traumatizing the real victim via the abuser’s weaponization of the system). These protective orders are considered “temporary” (a deeply misleading misnomer, as they are the furthest thing from temporary; mine lasted the entirety of the court process from start to finish, a little over a year & a half) & are given pre-emptively, with no examination of evidence for months or years into the actual court proceedings (which allowed my abuser to continue punishing & penalizing me through his perjurious statements with no proof in any capacity, his accusations grounded in no fabric of reality).
For the entirety of my pursuing protection from my abusive ex-partner, I was legally barred from telling anyone what he had done; his retaliatory order of protection was twisted into a form of gag order, forcing my silence under threat of imprisonment for up to 7 years. As we both work in the same industry, he claimed my telling anyone what he’d said or done would damage his business & career pursuits, even though he was the one explicitly threatening to burn my life to the ground (his words, verbatim) & destroy my career irreparably. My freedom of speech stolen, stripped from me, he was the Ursula to my Ariel, holding my voice hostage when I should have been about to scream out loud from the rooftop about the constant barrage, endless onslaught of verbal & emotional violence; the blackmail, the sexual harassment, the revenge porn & murder threats. This abuse of the legal system irrefutably damaged my reputation & right to defend myself freely, as even knowing all the rumors that were swirling about me, I was powerless to tell my own story, legally withheld from honoring my truth openly & freely. Instead of encouraging my coming forward as a #MeToo survivor, my freedom of speech was taken from me, irrefutably & systematically suppressed due to the risk of facing ramifications for a monster of a man’s own words & actions.
Verbatim Statements From My Abuser
"I will ruin your life - I will burn everything to the ground & ruin your life. I will destroy you"
“You fucking disgraceful cunt”
“You will never work a day again in your life . . . you will never, ever be a part of this photo community ever again. I will put my life's work towards this"
“I will go to jail if I have to, Alyssa, I will burn you to the grave . . . I will smile the whole way”
“You have no idea what you're dealing with. I am unstable on a level you have never witnessed . . . you have no idea what will happen, you have no idea, you don't even want to think about it. Honestly, there's things that I've set in place that will come out, that you couldn't even imagine in your worst nightmare. You have no idea what you will set in place . . . this will ruin you for the rest of your life, Alyssa.”
“You think I wanted to murder you then - I want to murder you now”
"I will do everything to destroy your life forever”
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